This post is a partial repost of a caption I shared on Instagram on Dec. 31, 2021. In that post, I shared that I started taking an antidepressant for the first time in September 2021.
The combination of therapy and medication has changed my life for the better in so many ways. I better understand my anxiety. I have more “tools” for managing it. Medication has helped me to wrestle the anxiety dog that has left me treed like a scared raccoon for over a decade.
Without further adieu, here’s my tattoo:
It’s simple—smaller than a dime. It’s a semicolon on the inside of my right wrist. The semicolon, to me, represents my own life journey and mental health journey. There was a point last year when I had no hope I would ever beat my anxiety. I was trapped in a cycle of intrusive thoughts and constant fear.
But there was a semicolon at the end of that thought. I didn’t have to stay there. I could get help. I am not crazy (well, maybe a little), and I am not the first person on the earth to struggle with very disturbing intrusive thoughts. I am one of many.
Coming to that realization was not easy, and it’s still not easy on the days when I find myself standing in the kitchen saying “Anna, everything is fine. Not all of your fears are real.”
In those moments, I put a mental semicolon on those thoughts.
The anxiety I feel is not absolute. One mistake (probably) won’t mean my death and destruction.
On my birthday this year, I got the semicolon forever imprinted on my body as a reminder that I, indeed, am alive. My anxiety will not be the end of me.
Here’s the caption from my Instagram post:
In 2021, I did something I should have done a long time ago. I stopped running from my mental health.
In my hand is 40 mg of Prozac. This little pill has helped me feel like an actual person. Few and (kinda) far between are the days of disassociation, panic attacks and vivid intrusive thoughts.
I don't feel like it's appropriate to divulge my entire mental health history on social media, but if you have questions or want to talk more about anxiety and depression, please message me. You're not alone.
I've struggled with anxiety and depression since middle school. I hoped I would grow out of it. I found some ways to cope with it (running, reading and music) but the pandemic sent me over the edge.
I never wanted to admit how much the pandemic affected my mental health. I wanted to be strong. I wanted to be the person who held her head high despite the madness. I wanted to be the journalist who understood what was happening.
Let's all collectively laugh.
After some hard days I realized that no amount of self-help books, running or CBD gummies were going to help me. I needed to go to therapy and really talk about what I felt.
I'm incredibly grateful to have found an amazing therapist I can afford. Therapy ain't cheap, y'all. While I am very blessed, I am also a 26 year old millennial journalist.
After nearly a year of therapy, and some encouragement from my therapist, friends and my incredible husband, Ty, I finally made an appointment to see a psychiatrist and really talk about the feelings I've tried to ignore for nearly half my life.
This is a process that is not yet complete. My mental and physical health will always be something I'm constantly monitoring and managing. That's life.
I'm grateful for mental health medication. I hate that I feared it for so long.
I'm posting this because once I started telling people that I am now taking an antidepressant, I found that lots of other people I care about take them too. Lots of people I care about have found freedom and wellness through psychiatric medication. Taking a pill every morning doesn't make me weak, it makes me human.
#mentalhealthawareness
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I still take Prozac, and I don’t plan to stop. In fact, I’m kicking myself for avoiding it for this long. There’s so much fear and shame baked into seeking mental health treatment. So many others have said this before me, but it really is just another illness. It’s something I 1. certainly didn’t ask for 2. affects my quality of life and 3. my symptoms have been improved dramatically thanks to medication.
Today is not the end; what if it’s the beginning of your best chapter?
Keep wandering :)
-Anna